“7 THINGS I wish I’d done sooner in life!”

This weeks "7 THINGS!"

“7 THINGS I wish I’d done sooner in life!”

I’m feeling a little thoughtful so bear with me. Looking back at my life there are undoubtedly things that I wish I had done sooner or done differently. Don’t worry, this isn’t a great lament of how I should have made peace with… apologised to… reached out… no, this is shallower than that; things like, why didn’t I say yes to that second go on the pedalo when the guy was offering it to me for FREE! Why did I say, “No thank you,” and go all shy? Because I didn’t want to be seen as greedy or rude – blow that! A FREE pedalo ride people! Oooh if I had my time again… I’d be back out on that chilly, bobbing ocean with a gut full of Cornetto, quicker that you could say, don’t forget your factor 50+! The great thing is it is actually never too late - so what you waitin’ for?

Here are my “7 THINGS” this week.

“7 THINGS I wish I’d done sooner!”

1.     Quiet my voice of self-sabotage. You know the voice I mean, the one that whispers loudly in your ear that you are not quite good enough, who would pick you? Why on earth did you think you could do that? – I’d not only quiet it sooner, but I’d put my fingers in my ears and sing “La la la!” very loudly, the way my brothers used to when I was babysitting, and I told them it was bedtime. Yes, I’d have a stern word with myself and say YES YOU CAN! And I’d bloody well do it! I’d do it all!

2.     I’d stop fretting over my outer casing. It kills me that I have wasted so many years feeling not quite thin enough, not quite pretty enough, perky enough, swishy enough. You know what I mean by swishy, swishy hair, swishy hips, all elements of swishiness have evaded me. My boobs were too small then too big, my bum non-existent then it was given its own postcode. I mean why oh why, for so long did I feel it mattered? Oh yes, I would tell myself sooner that this incredible, unique, imperfect, jiggly body is the only one I have and to get out there in my bikini and feel the sunshine on all my lumps and bumps!

3.     I’d learn to play the piano. You may laugh, but I remember being offered piano lessons at primary school and feeling too self-conscious to give it a go. The only ‘old Joanna’ we had was a knackered, tarnished thing that sat in the corner of the front parlour at my great nan’s house and which I’m sure was wheeled to the pub for a good old sing-song. I picture men in shirt sleeves, leaning on it as they knocked out renditions of ‘roll out the barrel’ while drinking milk stout, and the women smoking and laughing with the girls in a fug of smoke and happiness. But how I regret not being able to sit in any hotel foyer and tickle the ivories - I’d like to be able to play ‘Fur Elise’ competently enough to make my mum proud.

4.     I’d have the confidence to cut toxicity from my life. This is a big one. I used to feel too shy to tell anyone to sod off, putting up with all sorts of shenanigans. Friends who took me for granted. Boys who told me lies, and all while working in jobs that made me so miserable it felt like life was a constant grind. I didn’t have the confidence to question how I was being treated, correction, how I let myself be treated. And so for years I would stew over the injustice, vowing to speak up, but I never did. Instead, I carried a low-level resentment that only damaged me and was terrible, not only for my mental health but also my self-esteem. It was only when I reached middle aged and was able to say, “Actually no, that’s not all right! I deserve a bit better!” that I was able to turn my life around. I’m still a people pleaser, always will be, but as long as the people I am trying to please appreciate me and my efforts then that’s just fine!

5.     I’d write a book. I started writing aged forty-two and love what I have achieved in the last ten years. I feel very proud of every bestseller, but I can’t help but wonder what my life might have looked like, my earlier life, particularly as a struggling young single mum, if I had followed my dream and picked up that pen earlier. I missed so much of my son’s life, working three jobs at evenings and weekends, and a lot of his babyhood. Of course I will never and can never go back, and even though I did what I thought best to put food on the table and be the best example to him that I could, I do wish I’d had time with him, to be with him, to hold his little hand… The flip side of this is that it’s only my life experience that allows me to write the stories I do.

6.     I’d learn the value of going outside. It really is a simple thing and yet a life changing thing for me. The value of being in the open air. Whether it’s gardening, walking, sitting on grass, wandering in a forest, whiling the day away on a riverbank or just sticking my head out of the window – the benefits are HUGE! Time away from my computer screen or the four walls is so valuable for my wellbeing. It literally clears my head, blows out my cobwebs, calms my worries and orders my thoughts. I remember times of stress throughout my earlier life when I might take to my bed or curl up on the sofa, I now know that a bit of fresh air would have done wonders!

7.     I’d find my soulmate sooner. I know, I know it’s a mushy one! And yes, I know I’m very, very lucky to have found him at all, but oh my goodness, how different my life would have been if I’d had him by my side. I remember long periods of intense loneliness that were crippling. It wasn’t only about being physically alone, but I missed having someone to talk to, to use as a sounding board and from whom I could seek advice. So yes, it might have been beyond my control but how I wish I’d had Mr Prowse by my side from when I was young. That would have been just lovely…

Do any of these resonate? I’d love to hear what things you wish you had done sooner!

For more information about Amanda Prowse or to buy her books, head to www.amandaprowse.com