"Tangerine" by Amanda Prowse

No 1 - "You Got This!"

I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone that as we tumble into winter, sales of oversized fleece, baby-soft hoodies, cashmere bed socks and blankets are on the up. Nor am I surprised by the preponderance of quote posts on social media – you know the ones, “sending love…” “just breathe” and “you got this!” and trust me I am not immune to the charms of such missives. Indeed, I love it when motivation flies into my palm and stares at me via a little square while I munch my cornflakes and down more coffee than my heart is comfortable with.

I guess the point is that here in the remote countryside, as the nights draw in, the chickens huddle together for warmth and the chill of January creeps under the gaps in the ancient door of our farmhouse, I more than understand the need to self-soothe.  

I feel a little fragile. A little adrift, just me?  And this veil of malaise, this veneer of worry is so much more than the usual “ick” with which I greet the colder months but is more a universal kind of worry. I’m bad at worrying! Actually, that’s not true, I am very good at worrying, but I’m bad about organising/prioritising those worries.

Here’s an example, an insight if you will into what races around my head on a creaky bike at 3 a.m.

The state of our politics.

The state of our environment.

The future for mankind.

The future for my kids.

The future for my as yet unborn grandkids.

Do we have enough oat milk/cow milk/almond milk in the fridge to cover all and everyone’s breakfast needs?

Did I turn the barn light off?

Now I can see that not having enough of the liquid stuff to slosh on your cereal and the melting of the polar ice caps are not and should not be equal in terms of global concern but try telling my brain that! I told, you I’m bad at worrying.

It’s also that time of year when we have trickled back to offices, those of us who are not battling global pandemic or plague and are bombarded with spam on how we can “kick start the new year!” “adopt healthy habits!” “let’s hear those resolutions!” I never have and never will jump on board, why? Because telling myself something is denied, setting a timeline or a goal that has to be achieved by X date means I will fail and failure my friend is the opposite of what I need at this time of year.

Instead, I am going to go gently. I’m easing into better habits (more water, less wine. More walking, less sofa. You get the idea) as this gives me the greatest chance of success! Not that I’m averse to all those soft and snuggly things to help me self-soothe through the cold, foggy mornings. Now, where did I put those cashmere socks and blankets…

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