"Tangerine!" by Amanda Prowse

No 20 "COME RAIN OR SHINE..."

Okay - so here’s my confession: I have a Superpower!!!!

Now, before you get all excited, I should point out that it does not involve me popping into a telephone box and emerging with my Spanx on the outside of my jeggings. Nor can I melt steel with no more than a gaze, spin webs, freeze time, read minds or anything quite so dramatic. No, my superpower is much less theatrical and a whole lot more of a pain in the bottom.

It is however mightily impressive, and it is this: I CAN CONTROL THE WEATHER! I can see your eye-roll from here but trust me it’s the truth. Awareness of my ‘gift’ if we can call it that, was subtle, but steadily over the years I have conducted enough experiments to be certain. You want examples? All righty then.

I have very, curly hair. Like out-of-control curls with equal amounts of frizz halo. My hobby in latter years has been straightening it under the misguided belief that thin, smart hair might make me look… thinner and smarter. It doesn’t by the way, but I can try! Now, here’s the proof of my superpower. The day I straighten my hair, spending an age with glossing cream, curl control, serum, potions, and a poker hot iron that was forged at the gates of Hades, it starts to rain. More specifically, it starts to rain the moment I step outside, returning my hair to its crinkled glory! Curly days are filled with sun and a gentle breeze. Hair straightened days – let the heavens open!

And this is not all. I can also make it rain by getting the BBQ out, saying the word BBQ, inviting people to a BBQ or even THINKING about having a BBQ! I swear, the week goes like this: Sun, Sun, Sun, Sun, Sun, Sun, Mandy buys BBQ food, Rain. It’s practically a law of nature. I’ve tried sneaking sausages, corn on the cob and veggie burgers into my basket, hidden the bread rolls under cereal boxes and suggested we might like to ‘grill’ these items, but the universe knows what I’m really thinking and POW! Down comes the rain!

In case you are wondering, this skill of mine also works in reverse. Oh yes. If I plant grass seed or vegetables. Put seedlings and baby plants into tubs that require water… you’ve guessed it, CUE THE HEATWAVE! Meaning I have to spend hours collecting rain from the water butt and chucking over my gasping greenery.

You want rain/sleet/hail? Pop me in a convertible with the roof down.

You want arctic cold? Break my boiler.

You want intense heat? Let the air conditioning in my car be due for a re-gas…

It doesn’t stop there.

If I buy sandals, expect snow.

If I buy a new jumper, expect sunshine. On and on it goes!

Yes, it’s a superpower, doesn’t mean it’s one I like. I remember Spider man saying something similar, but what can we do? With great power comes great responsibility…

So, in case anyone is making plans for later on, it’s only fair that I warn you: I have straightened my hair and the BBQ is out and raring to go… best you go grab a brolly.

Thank you for reading! X